Finding Home.

Nathanial and I have lived together in the Pacific NW for the past three years. In August I will have lived out here four. Part of my longs to be home, in Colorado, more than anything. The other part of me doesn't want to leave.

Colorado:
Almost all of my family is there. I have my biological mother's family, my adopted family and even part of my biological father's family. All of my roots, my longest friends and the basis of the foundation of my life. Nathanial and I haven't been able to spend much time with ANY of them and I long for him to know my family and friends intimately. Not only through major family functions and events. I'm missing out on all of the beautiful events life has to offer. I missed one of my longest friend's giving birth to her first daughter, her first baby! I don't earn enough, or have enough saved to travel home for these events. Let alone being able to get time off of work and I don't want to miss these mile stones anymore.

Seattle:
The Pacific NW has helped me see through a lot of major issues. It has opened my eyes to the person I was instead of the person I should be. My adventure(s) out here haven't been the most pleasant. In fact meeting Nathanial has been the only pleasant part at all. Yet, I know there is a part of me that knows we have already started a life out here.Not to mention I feel like I haven't (completely) lost my youth out here. I have this urge to not give in yet but I miss home.

The Downside to Both:
Living in Colorado would mean spending more time with my biological mom's family. They...are BAT SHIT crazy, and I DO NOT use that lightly. They all need some MAJOR therapy but refuse to seek it and believe that unconditional love cures all. Which is admirable, but they are in fact really mentally unhealthy.
Nathanial's family, is cold and unloving. Most of his family doesn't like me. His step sister's family won't even acknowledge my existence. I keep trying to muscle through it and prove to them I'm NOT as much of a "sinner" as they think I am.

I want to have kids ya know! I don't want them to be stuck in an unaffectionate, unaccepting family. I don't want them to be around Nate's Step sister, husband or their children. If they treat me terrible I would lose my temper if they were even to treat my children the same. Though, I don't want them to be surrounded by my biological family (my racist cousins, alcoholic uncles, ect.)

Everyone reminds me, "Oh, you're young." "You two will figure it out". "You can move a lot." "You can do whatever you want."
Yes, everyone you are right. I'm just simply asking for some piece of mind. Just a tiny sliver at least.

I know you don't know the whole story. (Though, with the way my brain is churning right now I wouldn't hesitate to tell) If you were in my situation what would you do?
Have any of you ever felt like or been in something similar?
Advice? Anything?

You can always just tell me I'm crazy and to be quiet too. Ha I acknowledge it.